To My Doctors at Lyme Mexico,
From the hundreds of voices of all those whose lives you have touched ever so slightly, to those whose lives would not be here had you not touched them at all.
When a young person decides they want to take on the rigorous challenge of learning medicine with the goal of one day becoming a doctor, they go in with young, unwavering ambition, an intact vibrant mind that is enraptured with romantic visions of saving people in traumatic situations, helping the sick and infirm, championing the fight against time and death, and seeking the ever elusive human need of… feeling fulfilled.
Then some time passes, and with those years the stars that once shone so brightly in their young eyes have started to fade. All the years of study, the inhuman amount of stress, the pressure to never make a mistake, the worry that follows them home, the criticisms from colleagues and impatient patients. The constant proving of ones–self day after long day, and year after long year that seemingly in a “blink of an eye” have become decades. These have all begun to take their toll. It’s at this point when these noblemen and noblewomen start to quiver and pang, “why?” “What does it matter?” “I have achieved all of this and yet I feel lost!” “What was the point?” “Have all my efforts really brought me any true happiness?” “Did I make a mistake?” “Were all my efforts to find fulfillment in vain?”
It has come to my attention over the years, that when I’ve looked upon the beautiful characters in the faces of my doctors, or have merely heard their calming voices over a telephone call that I can recognize that they really don’t know! “What? Really?” “Do you mean to tell me that this “Defender, this Protector, my Gifted Advocate Exemplar” doesn’t know that they carry these titles within my entire being?” Do you not know that you are actually saving lives?
Correct, I (we) didn’t arrive here on a gurney all bloody from a battle of war, you didn’t have to cut me open and perform open heart surgery, or conduct a risky organ transplant but YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE, and you continue to save lives with every patient you touch!
FAIL NOT MY NOBLE DEFENDER, fail not to realize that were it not for you, for all the work you’ve done, for all the down, depressing, emotional defeats you have felt, for all the sacrifices you have made on my behalf, that were it not for you, I would have no hope? Were it not for you, I could not live? Do you not realize that you are the only defender I have to help me fight this evil enemy that wishes to take my life from me? And you have the temerity to think you haven’t made a difference?
FAIL NOT MY ARMED & GIRDED PROTECTOR, fail not to know to the depths of your being that you have succeeded in your quest to be a part of something bigger than yourself! That what you have achieved even if you don’t always feel it, even if your tired body and your exhausted brain start to sabotage you with feelings of doubt and failure. You have already prevailed! You have triumphed! You came armed with your knowledge, your ability to investigate and work out puzzles, your passion, your dedication. You came girded with your tools of tubes, needles, medicines, machines, bandages, and “tricks of the trade” to make things more bearable.
FAIL NOT MY GIFTED ADVOCATE EXEMPLAR, fail not to internalize to your days end, the unspoken admiration, thankfulness, and love that I (we) carry for you – for standing up for me, for not giving up on me, for believing that “We Can,” when I was too weak. For believing me when all other would not. For doing something about it, when all others accused me of faking or seeking attention, and when your colleagues mocked or laughed at you telling you that the malady, the enemy you chose to hunt is not real.
You are exemplary in every way but one. There is one patient you haven’t been very kind to. There is one that you have been beating up for years, expected too much of, and have been unforgiving towards. And now is when this patient begs her doctors, “Physician, Heal Thyself.” I beg you, please, take care and comfort yourself, be kind to yourself, be loving, be forgiving of yourself, be free to take care of your needs! You must find other sources of happiness, ways to make yourself grow in joy, and in internal happiness without feeling as though you have to constantly prove yourself.
When you started this journey, it was a challenge to see if you could cultivate the self–discipline to achieve your goal. Now, you must challenge yourself to see if you can cultivate a free, fun loving, no restrictions, “no pressure YOU” when you are not at the office. You must allow yourself to dream, to be creative, to worship, to meditate, to be less strict with yourself, less regimented when you’re not at work. Be at peace and continue with an internal perspective of, “I am enough, I have done it.”
Now is when you need to develop a new kind of self–discipline, one you probably won’t even recognize, and it will take some work. You need to bring “ME” back, and LEAVE “Dr. me” at the office.
Dear doctor, please recognize the fulfillment you’re looking for lies in the fact that you will never be satisfied with enough! You have done achieved who you were meant to be in this world. You have done what you could! You have done more than the majority of us humans could ever hope to do. Now… “drink it in…” slowly, take in each day to silently and with a steady pace, enjoy the fruits of your labor by recognizing that every time you read a chart, write a prescription, or even look into the eyes of a patient, you are doing what you were meant to do. Stop to recognize the magnitude of what you are doing. Enjoy this very special time in your life. Breathe, you are making that sense of fulfillment happen, you just haven’t allowed yourself to recognize it. Don’t allow this dream to EAT you up! Realize where you are, right now, at this moment in time. Yes, you are the one in command, but you will also always be a student. And so, Dr. Student, how do you eat an elephant? Bite by bite. Little by little. Moment by moment.
From my perspective, (and I hope it will be your perspective also) you have already been an incredible help to your fellow man.” Your legacy to your children and grandchildren will not only be that of a doctor, but it will also be one that provides a strong moral example of a person with good character; furthermore, it will show them what it looks like to leave a positive and impactful footprint on this planet that benefited more than just themselves.
You are loved more than you’ll ever know, you are cherished and revered more than you will ever know, you will never be forgotten in the minds of the hundreds whose lives you have touched.